When I moved,
I learned that life is uncertain,
Life is fickle,
Life is either the sinking boat or the turbulent waters that drown it.
When I moved,
I learned how to say goodbye, how to not look back before getting on the plane before leaving home.
I learned to hold back tears, to give tight hugs, and to kiss with the heart before stepping out of the house.
When I moved,
I learned to get over my fears,
how to not vomit during takeoff, and that a bag of chips might pop because of the high pressure.
I learned to pack only the necessary things, but really all I need is a picture of my abuelas, tias y tios, primos y primas, and the dazzling pink orchid that grew that day in the backyard.
I learned to walk around the Granma airport without getting lost, the foods you should eat, like the chicken taquito rolls at the “El Viajero” food stand, and the ones you should not, like Doña Maria’s empanadas, to avoid excess sodium in your blood pressure.
I learned how beautiful the view is when you are in the skies, like a floating paradise made of fleeting, silvery clouds. But if there are turbulence and stormy skies, pray to heaven you stay safe.
When I moved,
a part of who I used to be changed irrevocably. I learned how it feels to be hated and rejected for your race or ethnicity, or how it feels to be lost among a huge crowd.
I learned that some people will refer to you as an immigrant, and they only use this word out of courtesy or fear that their inner and direct thoughts would be uncovered, exposed, “wetbacks.”
It feels as if your world has been changed into something so strange and unusual that it makes you not want to be part of it, makes you not want to exist in such type of world, or not exist in any world at all.
When I moved,
I learned that the mighty sun and the sapphire skies are the same everywhere I stand, yet there is no other place that can compare its elegance to that of my country.
I learned that tacos are so absurdly delicious, but nothing tastes better than my grandma’s 3 p.m. pan con café.
I learned the words to “Mexicanos, al Grito de Guerra”, and also the Texas pledge to The Lone Star Flag.
I learned English and Spanglish, and from such a complex world, for once, I felt distinguished.
I learned Latino pride, I learned Black Pride.
I learned to be myself among the overwhelmingly vain and condescending world in which I now lived.
When I moved,
I learned to love from afar.
I learned to live with nostalgia.
I learned how to start from zero.
I learned how to be alone.
I learned to embrace my process of growth and transformation, like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.
When I moved,
I learned exactly what I needed to become who I am.
I learned, along the trajectory, to move forward and have no fears,
I learned to enjoy where I am and let time wipe away my tears.
